I know my online friends don't need these tips but maybe a friend of a friend?
https://medium.com/@annevictoriaclark/the-rock-test-a-hack-for-men-who-dont-want-to-be-accused-of-sexual-harassment-73c45e0b49af
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I have an even simpler test for workplace relationships. Close your eyes and imagine [insert tinkly music here] ... that everything you say and do will be repeated at least four times, behind your back, each iteration more exaggerated. Because that's exactly what's going to happen. So... that's why men ought to be the Strong Silent Type. Friendly's okay. Also, do not drink with people from work, especially not women. You will, I repeat, will say stupid shit. Matter of fact, treat every professional relationship you'll ever have like an interview. The workplace is a terrible place to make friends and an even worse place to find romance. That's like shitting on your dinner plate.
ReplyDeleteOh, and dress professionally. If you're a schlub, they'll talk about that, too.
I didn't realize I work in such in awesome place, where you can be friendly with coworkers and even have closed door talks. I can imagine the romance thing being awkward though. And drinking probably not to excess.
ReplyDeleteCass Morrison Must be nice. I'm faintly jealous. I can't conceive of any place where I could let down my guard.
ReplyDeleteI have watched men get in very serious trouble, just being friendly - or so they thought. Saw a man sacked out of AT&T Bell Labs for a comment which was interpreted as sexist, this was in the mid eighties. Bell Labs was quite progressive, back then.
I don't have friends from work. I have allies. When I walk in the door, the usual reason I'm there is because something has gone seriously wrong. I do not make friends at work. People hate consultants. I am usually feared and hated from the minute I arrive. I try to be nice. Sometimes they relax, often they do. I never do.
Back in 1983, I was about to close on a house. I'd done some contracting work before this job, figured I should get a Real Job after that, you know, pay my dues, climb the corporate ladder. The pay was terrible and the place was a snake pit, but I thought I was doing well. Long commute from downtown Chicago, so I decided to move nearer to work. I'd just gotten married, ready to start a family....
Then the owners went on a fishing trip. They were sold a bill of goods by some shyster on the boat. Came back and sacked half the programming staff. I already had earnest money down on the house - wife was out of the country - my parents said "Just go ahead and close, we'll back you, you're sure to get a job soon."
And I did. I went back to contracting, then in time built a consulting practice. Learned the hard way not to love my job. It never loved me back.
I've watched my peers over time, as their careers progressed. All of them changed jobs at least three or four times. Watched their marriages fail, often because of workplace romances, two I know for sure went sideways on that basis. Men, women, everyone gossips at work. It's hugely destructive. It's my job to manage expectations. No Dionysian stuff for me. All Apollonian. Loneliness, for me, is an occupational hazard.
For me, I treat coworkers as colleagues, but not as friends. I already have my group of friends I hang out with outside of work. I'm always friendly with my colleagues, but rarely ever hang out with them outside of work.
ReplyDeleteGene Chiu true, I don't really hang out with coworkers anymore.
ReplyDelete